I’ve been thinking about the condition of our love, and since you haven’t responded to my last correspondence (is it still called correspondence when you’re not writing back?), I say congratulations to you. You’ve called my bluff and will be pleased to know that I’m taking you back sans conditions.
As a show of allegiance and for both calling you a MILF and suggesting that you thought you were too good for me, I intend on removing Chris’ head and dissolving his brain with a ceremonial Egyptian formula for mummification, known to my family since the time of the Moorish conquest of Iberia. You know what I mean, baby.
I’m sorry for threatening your kid too.