I was swimming with Sarah at the Baltimore mansion yesterday when I noticed something I hadn’t seen before. Cindy had left two hours before because she had a scheduled hair tonic treatment, and even though we had a aide there mixing mojitos, at the pool bar, I could tell Cindy didn’t want to leave me alone with her. I don’t blame her. Sarah’s a proven child-bearer, a good ole “Missus,” and she’s always showing Pinko how well she handles kitchen cutlery. She’s the original homemaker. A man’s dream! She has great spontaneity too. She’s like a younger me with lady parts. A Maverickette. When she arrived at the house, she hadn’t planned on swimming and didn’t pack a swimming jumper, so she just set her Blackberry on Cindy’s lounge chair and jumped into the pool, wearing her skirt, suit jacket and high heels! She looked so happy, dog-paddling in the deep end with her shoulder pads puffing around her smile. It’s natural that Cindy’s jealous.
Anyway, what I noticed yesterday is that Sarah’s always giving me this strange insect-type look, like she's seeing into my brain. I can actually feel it on the back of my head sometimes, the way you can feel you're not the only man in dark prison hole. I'm pretty sure it’s a “jump my bones” sort of look, but she has these big dark eyes, and to be honest, it’s a little unsettling when she stares at me like that.
I confided my bug-sex-theory to Doctor Pinko, and he called her a praying mantis and said she’s more likely to gnaw on my bones than to jump them. He keeps telling me that “Sarah looks crazy” and that I’d better hire a food taster if she’s going to be around after November 4th. “You should know, Commie,” I said. Check one off for the Mav.
Get Stop Licking That FREE today
5 weeks ago