Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Why CNN Is An Evil Capitalist Network Who Wants Obama To Win The Presidency But Only After Making The Race A Dangerous Squeaker

Everyone knows CNN's been in the tank for Obama since Hillarious Clinton got her panties in a wad over media penis envy, but CNN was one of the only major networks not running the senator's 30-minute Obamamercial. I couldn't find it. Could you? Instead, they aired a shithead interview of John McCain by Larry King. The Republican candidate did well in the interview. Why? Because Larry King is a senile old man who asks idiot questions and doesn't even have idiot follow-ups. CNN knows Larry can't think anymore. The only real reasons he's even got his own show these days are his name still carrying clout and his remarkable ability to remain completely silent while his guests rabidly argue over themselves.
Why is CNN ruining my life?
Obama's so far ahead that network bigwigs are concerned that there won't be enough consumers watching on election night unless their anchor drones even out the playing field by showing McCain in a favorable way and calling Saint Obama "extravagant" and "over the top." I've never contested the claim that American media is liberally leaning/gagged, bound, bent over, and naked from the waist down, but now, I know they're only as wicked as their limitless profits.

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