Monday, March 23, 2009

Fuck it, I'm employed now.

I’d like to make a quick apology for my last post which suggested Jesus and Allah blow each other. First of all, Jesus and Mohammed is absolutely more appropriate. I’m embarrassed to have made such an obvious faux pas. Secondly, is there really a scenario where Jesus and Mohammed would brush mustaches over their respective uglies? I think not. Everyone knows Jesus would have made Mohammed feel guilty over his womanizing, excessive masturbation and steak dinner Fridays, and Mohammed in turn would have strapped some ball-bearing, kitchen cocktail to his stomach and blown up Jesus’ favorite Jerusalem coffee shop. I don’t think sexuality would’ve come into play at all.

I know what you’re thinking. Jesus lived in like the year 0 and Mohammed 500 years after, but again, had pleasures of the flesh been an issue, all Christians know that Jesus had a massive hog that would have spanned the length of time it took to reach Mohammed’s century. He’s the son of God for Christ’s sake.

Anyway, all that’s hypothetical ‘cause Jesus was only into black chicks.

So again, I apologize.

6 comments:

Gavin said...

In a matter slightly related to mythical deity sex, you just can't beat Vishnu. With all those fucking arms, you know she's like a total fucking handjob queen.

C. Andres Alderete said...

She's also the dish-washing queen.

AngelaDean said...

this made me laugh out loud. bravo.

C. Andres Alderete said...

Why, thank you. Low-brow humor is, unfortunately, my roots.

SaintSeanzy said...

Whyyy are you apologizing for a funny? Pshhh

Find Yourself with a Smile... said...

I'm always rather disappointed that in the west (hows that for a sweeping generalization), our deities are pretty much sexless.

I think I would have liked the Jesus story better if he came back from the dead for a little more Mary Magdalene, and then he decided to deliver us from evil as an afterthought...

keep smiling,

Ben

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