Monday, April 27, 2009

Down With AT&T

So, I cancelled my text messaging service in protest to AT&T's exorbitant prices. Folks, we should be paying zero cents a text, not ten. How costly is it really to send a single kilobyte of data to a communication satellite that's being shared with a bunch of other corporate assholes? Surely, these phone companies signed a sweet government contract for turning their collective cheeks the other direction while the CIA sifts through my personal archive of drunken booty-texts.
So, I'm boycotting, alone and stubborn. The problem is that I like texting. I can convey a short message and get a short response without having to suffer the formalities of telephone etiquette. Par example:

Carlos- "What's up, dude." (I don't actually care "what's up" because I know the callee will say "nothing much" anyway)

Callee- "Nothing much. What've you been up to?" (Callee doesn't really care about what I've been doing either but will ask in order to complete the process and get to down to business)

Carlos- "Oh, nothing much. Listen, we're going for booze tonight at Longbranch if you want in."

Callee- "What time?"

Carlos- "Probably around 11."

Callee- "Sounds good. Give me a call before you head out."

Carlos- "Will do." (A future call has the potential to birth this horrible sequence all over again, and Carlos weeps at its potentially wide crown)

This is a man call by the way. If our hypothetical Carlos were speaking to a woman, we'd naturally have to tack on about 6 six hours to the exchange. The texting equivalent is simply this:

Carlos- "longbranch 2 nite @ 11"

Callee- "c u there"

VoilĂ . All is conveyed and most people don't wan to carry on a volley of texts because it's a pain in the ass.

I know what you're thinking: "Why don't you just get unlimited texting, Emperor Carlos?" Well, you jerk, my phone bill's 50 bucks a month, plus a rape tax 15 dollars. AT&T's unlimited plan is 20 bones extra, making my total bill $85, not counting the overage of "anytime" minutes I enjoy during my brief phone calls. I'm assuming they're called "anytime" minutes because I don't have them at any time. As a result, I'm charged more for going over, and every month, I count out 90-100 crisp clean American greenbacks for using a shitty service on a shitty non-iPhone. A muscular AT&T man usually collects the payment from my home, shouldering his way inside, and adding humiliation to financial burden by requiring me to wad my reluctant 20s into his stars and strips G-string while he strips to the month's most popular ring tone.
So, I'm boycotting.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

That text thing was huge in Korea when I was a college senior (the first one, more than 10 years ago..) I think I was hooked up for about a year, and then got sick of it. I called and yelled at my people whenever they texted me. After I hung up the phone, they usually texted me back “you are no fun…” Back then we didn’t use all those short version of texting sentences but guess people do that now over there. One of my cousins who are 9 years younger than me, sometimes leave comments on my website using those short version sentences….it is not like writing “U” for “you” as you guys do here, in Korean it becomes totally different words. Wish they don’t ruin that beautiful language like that..

I used to visit Gleim website to solve those practice exam questions but visiting your blog is my new pastime during my lunch break, it’s kind of fun! Good job, Carlos! Eunnie.

C. Andres Alderete said...

I'm glad to be taking away from your career plans ;)

Chrissy said...

Gosh, I pay my Verizon bill online. I'm switching to AT&T.

C. Andres Alderete said...

You mean you don't have to pay cash? I'd better check that guy's ID next time.

Chris said...

I hated texting at first, but man, now it's great. The time I save in yakkng away on nonsensical phone calls can now be spent, well, commenting on people's blogs.

C. Andres Alderete said...

Well since you put it that way, I'm boycotting blogs now too.

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