Saturday, April 11, 2009

Karmic Retribution...IN HELL!

I had to listen to some old bastard complain for an hour last night at work. It’s about what I imagine the exact center of Hell to be like because the customer’s complaint was circular, he was right, and since I’m new to the job, I couldn’t think of anything to counter his unwavering logic. It was like arguing with an angry genius, only he was a raspy hillbilly who happened to know more about the subject than me. I’ve chalked up the evening as pure karma because only hours before, I was in a more outer orbit of Hell at my other job. There, no amount of rephrasing could make my teenaged student understand the theme of Tillie Olsen’s awesome “I Stand Here Ironing.” I first tried explaining in words, then puppets, then primary-colored blocks, but when I finally realized she was chasing butterflies in outer space and not actually sitting beside me, I stared intensely at her in an attempt to transfer my thoughts directly into hers. She stared back, her mouth half open, her expression remote and disoriented, and I knew no wheels were turning behind her pretty eyes. I left her to reflect on our session while I thumped my head against a wall in frustrated privacy.

I guess the universe needed to balance the siphoning of my energy between young and old sources. Well done, Universe. By my highly scientific estimation, I lost a solid week of life during those two exchanges: 3.5 days from the aloof density of a child and 3.5 from the relentless bombardment of a crotchety old man. I'd rather have been shanked and robbed crossing the parking lot to my car.


Chrissy said...

If people don't get it when puppets are involved, there's no hope for them.

C. Andres Alderete said...

Yeah, I think I'll invent a new learning model: Teach By Force. They'll learn or suffer my iron hand.

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