Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Read Me

Because there's no God, I'm having issues finishing the books I start. Reading that is. The ones I've started writing are a whole other problem. The trouble most most recently began with A People's History of the United States. I was enjoying that one, but after 200 pages of historical tyranny, the 500 more was a far horizon of pessimism, even for me, and I put it down with the promise of further reading during toilet sit-downs. I tried reading Wicked next because I like when writers take a classic and create something from a secondary character's perspective (Grendel, for example, is amazing). Wicked is about the life and times of the Wicked Witch of the West, and while it was written very well, I suffered through 56 pages before realizing that the book was actually making me dumber. As I've said before, I'm just not interested in fiction for entertainment's sake anymore.
The latest book I've failed to complete is The Once and Future King. In my defense, I've already read this one, and since between readings I'd read Le Morte d'Arthur, the 15th century original, I was enjoying the discovery of all I'd missed in the modern retelling. What I was not enjoying was the 650 decaying pages of tiny print that disintegrated between my fingers and irritated my sinuses. So I quit 250 pages shy of *King Arthur impaling his son Mordred and being dealt a death blow to the noggin immediately after.

This brings us to my current potential failure: Overthrow. So far, Overthrow is the exact poison my proverbial "soul" needs to fuel its insatiable contempt for humanity. The book catalogs the direct and indirect influence of the United States in the overthrow of any foreign government that has stood in the way of American ambition. It's pretty ugly, people, and though we don't learn this stuff in American-History Pie 101, Nicaragua remembers and so does Cuba, Puerto Rico, the Philippines, Hawaii, Colombia, Mexico, Chile, Iran, Afghanistan, and Iraq. God only knows why Cuba is even considering letting the United States peek at her economic under-dainties. Shake hands with America and risk losing the rings on your fingers. There's a whole continent called Africa that doesn't understand this yet. China's doing the United States a favor by doing business with fledgling African nations. Pretty soon, they'll be economically strong enough for American export, and when they are, we'll squeeze the shit out of each one until there's nothing left to feed back to them, and we'll move on or own them completely.

I guess what this posting has turned into is a 5-star recommendation for Overthrow. Read it. Whether you finish it or not, **it'll make a good toilet stack.

*By recalling this scene, I've re-sparked my interest in The Once and Future King and have decided to add it to my shit-can reading list.

**Do not, however, hold me responsible for your legs falling asleep after half an hour of pants-less reading. Any diphterial sickness due to prolonged exposure to your own filth is also not my problem.


Chrissy said...

So I guess you won't use your Borders Rewards coupon to purchase Twilight?

C. Andres Alderete said...

Anything tweener makes me feel like a pervert. But since I am a pervert, I don't finish the grown-up books. It's a cruel world.

Angela Lovell said...

Know the problem - can't seem to finish anything these days - never mind a book!
Nice blog.

C. Andres Alderete said...

Yeah, unfinished books are only one aspect of my deficiencies.

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