Thursday, April 9, 2009

What Birds Have Shown Me

1991: It takes exactly fifteen minutes for a baby bird to asphyxiate to death. As a child, I watched wide-eyed as the one I had “rescued” choked on the food I’d just served it.

2003: Small birds kill other small birds and eat just their heads. I watched this, again, wide-eyed while parked in my car, listening to the radio before work.

2009: The diameter of a grackle’s vagina is approximately 3mm. I saw one as it post-coitally closed after her mate dismounted. The experience was less traumatic than 1991 and less unsettling than 2003, but it was strange and pornographic, and I almost wrecked my car.

After the bird vagina, I had to speak out.

2 comments:

Chrissy said...

Wow. I guess you're just one of those people lucky enough to be in the right place at the right time. You should play the lottery.

C. Andres Alderete said...

I'm more of an innocent bystander. I don't play the lottery because every time I don't win, I'm devastated.

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