Sharon, because even though we're in a quiet state of blogging competition, she's funnier than me, less jaded, and she had a wardrobe malfunction in kindergarten, showing me my first pair of boobs.
Chrissy, because the stripper silhouette on her blog makes me blush and look defensively/nervously over my shoulder when I'm at work.
Chris "Maugeritaville," 'cause now I know what my elementary school teachers were really thinking when I was an obnoxious, eight-year-old shithead.
Awesome Sara, because I don't know anyone as narcissistic as myself and because she technically mentioned my ass in a comment.
Bash, because even though he's a syphilitic vagina for making his blog private, and I'm never notified when he blogs, he's still a handsome bastardo.
Nancy, for commenting only once but turning me on in the process.
Chindiana Trails, because he likes the same useless crap that I do and he occasionally describes Malaysian culture, something I know nothing about.
Eunyoung, a hot Korean woman with whom I shared a hostel room after hitchhiking to San Francisco, oh so long ago.
Roger, for suffering all my posts about him and for trying to comment once but getting shot down by me.
Katy, for telling me you "liked" my blog on facebook, the wrong social network.
The rest of you chicken-livers who read my blog but don't ever comment, I'm virtually teabagging your squinting eyes and mummed lips...right now.