My step-daddy and I wax politics pretty much every time we're together. Often times, I'm hung over and not in the mood to argue, but he's a Bush-blowing republican, and I sometimes have to explain to him that his position is stupid. It was during one of these Sunday brunch discussions that an important term was born in my mind: social capitalism. That's what I am. A social capitalist. I thought of it in reflexive defense at being called a communist, and it ricocheted around my skull as the perfect label for my political opinions. In short, socialism makes sense but is not cool if you make a lot of money, and capitalism also makes sense but is really not cool if you don't make a lot of money. The solution? You guessed it: social capitalism. Socialism will bring the most impoverished of Americans back to a prideful standard of living, and the geyser of money that the super-rich enjoy will lose it's momentum about a mile up and splash down to fund the social part. The filthy rich will remain in their gluttonous stys, but not so powerful that they can control the world. I understand this model is a simple presentation* but Obama and I can iron out the details once he appoints me Chancellor and eventually Fuhrer. You see for me, it comes down to this: I only have one life and then I'm worm food. I don't like spending it struggling to keep my head above water to maintain the wealth of an extraordinarily small percentage of the country. If I become sick, I'm screwed. Wreck my car? Screwed. If I lose my jobs, the devils I've stupidly climbed into bed with start squeezing my balls. And I'm fortunate. I have my health. I have a car. I have not one, but two jobs, and I managed to get an education. There are people in this country eating salmonella straight out of dumpsters but still hold fast to this competitive system of government because it breeds the mindset that one day, one day their ship will come in. That's why I keep it up, I guess, but at least I recognize that I'm just a cog in someone else's money-making machine.
I heard a bit on NPR yesterday debating the fed-sponsored healthcare proposal that would compete with the private sector (another aspect of social capitalism that we are already exercising, e.g. the postal service, education, 5-0, and (drum roll) federal taxes). Ol' Mitt Romney was quick to point out that people would flock to the free one and destroy competition in the healthcare industry. That may be true and it may not, but he sounded so passionate in that sound byte, so strong in his convictions that I wondered why exactly he wanted to make keeping people well a commodity. I need to stay healthy like I need water. Why not make water availability more competitive, Boss Romney? It's relatively inexpensive right now, but I have a feeling that people will pay big bucks if you take it away and increase demand. Holy crap I'm glad Romney's not the president (or VP Palin, while I'm flinging feces).
If you're a republican reading this blog, you're A-OK in my book, but if I've offended your ridiculous political stance, know that the insult came not from a democrat, but from a social capitan, and I'll reconcile the dispute with a slippery french kiss (that's how we do it).
*I Googled the term "social capitalist" right before posting, and to my initial sadness but eventual celebration, there's a wiki article with the exact same conclusions I came to but in greater detail. I think that qualifies me as a genius.
Get Stop Licking That FREE today
2 months ago