Thursday, July 9, 2009

The End Is Nigh

I haven't written anything negative for a while, so I thought I'd try and ruin everyone's day with some facts. I don't have a lot of students to tutor in the summer, so I spent today studying for the LSAT and finally grappling with the enormity of the universe. If you've ever attempted the LSAT, you'll understand why it drives a creative mind to existentialism. Anyway, knowing just a little about the earth and universe should be enough to disrupt or derail your hopes and dreams, and as stated in #10 of my 2008 discoveries, I enjoy the virtue of being a pure motherfucker. I recently found out about the ruins of a civilization in present-day Bolivia that date back 17,000 years ago. At a time when humanity was still finger painting mastodons in European caves (and not even supposed to be in North or South America), these people were using a phenomenally advanced technology to quarry and cut 100 ton blocks of stone into interlocking structures...with tools that couldn't have been stone or copper. These are facts, people, and they contradict what we think we know about our own history. It'd be like finding a gel pen at Stratford-upon-Avon or a defibrillator at Golgotha. The technology at Puma Punka wasn't developed overnight either, so what was the history of the history of those people? My point is that in 17,000 years, everything a successful civilization had complied upon to master was absolutely and irrevocably lost. The earth is roughly 4.6 billion years old. Whole continents have submerged, collided, or split apart in its time. Ancient and unknown oceans have dried up. Mountain ranges, higher than the Himalayas, have weathered to nubs and have risen and weathered again. 4.6 billion years is such an unfathomable amount of time and the life expectancy of Earth, being just as difficult to comprehend, makes me soberly realize that humankind is only a single and inaudible blip on God's ephemeral radar. He could miss us altogether if he got up to take a piss or blink for that matter.
Expand this sobriety to the universe, 13.5 billion years old. I'll unscientifically average all the galaxies in this observable place to 200 billion (I've seen more and less). Now, if each galaxy holds a very conservative 100 billion solar systems, then I've just profoundly shit my pants with the insignificance of my existence...and yours. We'll all be dead soon, and nothing and no one you know will be around to testify for the things we've done, but even if we manage to extend our lives indefinitely (which we will one day (that's for another blog)), this tiny speck of earth will eventually rotate directly into the center of our solar system, the sun; the tiny speck of sun will rotate the solar system directly into the center of the galaxy, a black hole; and the tiny speck of black hole will likely rotate our galaxy into an inhospitable and radioactive region of space, killing what ever was resilient enough to survive its concentric doom, before conceivably rotating into its tethered base, whatever the hell that may be. And there's absolutely nothing humankind can dream of or create to stop this massive inevitability. Bottom line? Nothing matters. Goddamned LSAT. Happy Friday. 

12 comments:

Sharon Reynolds said...

The only thing I got from that:

What!? We're going to live forever one day! That's awesome. Maybe by then we'll figure out a way to stop the apocalypse and we'll live on other planets to compensate for overpopulation. But that won't be a big deal cause in 200 billion galaxies there's gotta be several planets made solely of rainbows, cupcakes and bubble wrap. And we will all live forever in happiness while we eat salted-caramel cupcakes and pecan brittle and laugh and joke and hug our significant others that we'll know must truly love us because marriage during infinite life is the greatest commitment of all.

f8hasit said...

Thanks for the post! I had all these things I wanted to accomplish today but figured since I'm gonna die and nothing matters I might as well leave the damn weed in the flower beds where they are...
:-)

But the best line from your trying to ruin my day (it didn't work by the way!) was this ditty:
"as stated in #10 of my 2008 discoveries, I enjoy the virtue of being a pure motherfucker."

Love it.
Have a great weekend!

C. Andres Alderete said...

*Sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose* Sharon, we can't stop the apocalypse because it's not even the apocalypse. It's not the end of the world; it's the end of the universe! I have failed in showing our smallness and will now lash myself.

Nancy, yes! Let the weeds grow (I say with a scowl and a jutting lower lip). Besides, how do you know the flowers don't mourn their weedy lovers every time you reach intrusively into their beds and twist off their ugly heads?

Megan said...

Holy crap. I'll be back...

Megan said...

Okay I found the quote I wanted. Sorry it's rather long. But here goes:

"Know something? Think this over. I could take you to the high country of Peru and show you where a particular block of stone was quarried, and I could show you that block of stone half a mile away. It was transported there during the time of the Incas. If, on the basis of national emergency, this nation were to be required to devote all its technological skills to moving that block back to the quarry, we would try, and we would fail, my friend. We have no cranes, no levers, no engines to budge that much mass. Do you think the Incas knew something mankind has since forgotten? Bet on it. Knowledge is the most priceless and the most perishable substance on earth."

C. Andres Alderete said...

"Knowledge is the most priceless and the most perishable substance on earth." Nice. Who said it?

Megan said...

John D. MacDonald.

Collette said...

I posted on NGIP about your 21 followers & decided to follow you. Great post! I saw a post the other day about an anti-aging pill to be available in a few years, but that won't matter if there is NO MATTER to live on, right?

Awesome Sara said...

my head hurts. lol!!! this is totally going to make me sound like a massive asshole i read about half this post bc im recovering from a hangover and if i could remember possibly a regretable night. i cant super comment on this post. but i feel like that pic there.

C. Andres Alderete said...

Collette, we might be able to live long enough to fear the end of everything. That'd just be awful.

Awesome Sara, "The Scream" is about the human condition. If you end up reading the rest of the blog, you'll make the connection and hopefully, you'll be depressed by the end :)

Panda Mime said...

Thought patterns like this can lead to dangerous things... like enjoying your life and doing what you want whilst you have the pleasure of existing on a spherical rock that is slowly hurling itself into oblivion.

C. Andres Alderete said...

I appreciate your trying to reverse my psychology in a language that I can understand, Panda, but I assure you, I'm not as zealous as I appear to be. That is a beautiful opposite to cynicism though.

Related Posts with Thumbnails