Friday, September 4, 2009

Honest Scrap

Since blogs have become a kind of superior social network for me, it seems only appropriate that I complete an intrusive list for an award bestowed upon me by Chrissy at I Should Have Been a Stripper. I normally maneuver around this sort of thing, but I realized that if I created a swell list of bullshit with worthwhile answers, it’d be a nice little writing exercise on my favorite subject: me.

Here’re the rules.
1. “The Honest Scrap” award is not one to hold all to your self but it must be shared!
2. The recipient has to tell 10 true things about themselves in their blog that no one else knows.
3. The recipient has to pass along this prestigious award to 10 more bloggers.
4. Those 10 bloggers all have to be notified they have been given this award.
5. Those 10 bloggers should link back to the blog that awarded them.

I don’t eat for pleasure. Eating, like sleeping, is an irritable chore that my body has committed to without my permission. As a result, I have a remarkable capacity for consuming the same bland food over and over and over again. Ice cream, of course, is a different matter. The only reason I eat ice cream is because I can’t liquefy Rocky Road and inject it directly into my neck.

Old people tend to enjoy the same crap that I do, and I have been the only person under 65 in line at Luby’s Cafeteria on many, many...many occasions.

If I were to call myself well-versed in something, it’d be that I roundly suck at Spanish, French, the violin, and the guitar, but I’ve studied enough of all four to not get rid of my books or instruments.

People who aren’t interested in everything are boring assholes without substance. I’m sorry if that’s you, but it’s time you heard it with honest constructiveness.

I love music but rarely watch local bands here in Austin, “the live music capital of the world,” because I have an unhealthy jealousy for other people’s ambition and success. I also don’t like people.

My girlfriend is an unbelievable ray of sunshine on my life, and I’m overwhelmingly thankful to have met her.

I have tattoos on my right forearm, left shoulder, and right latissimus dorsi. They enhance my sexy by three, and I’ve analyzed several different responses to them: 1) the woman who couldn’t care less about them but pretends to be fascinated in order to strike up a conversation and eventually remove her clothing for me; 2) the cold and detached woman who’s genuinely curious about them but doesn’t want to appear as though she’s pretending to be fascinated in order to strike up a conversation and eventually remove her clothing for me; 3) the woman who only brings them up in order to safely expose the butterfly, flower, or heart on the semi-private places of her body. The revelation is an instant turn-on that I resent for its frustrating results. Men don’t ask about my tattoos unless they enjoy the spooning company of other men.

I have no tolerance for intolerance (my favorite paradox) and only suffer fools because my college degree is worth as much stapled to my ass as it is printed on my resume, and I can’t find a good full-time job. But, I do suffer.

I would have been a much better European than American.

Here are some bloggers whom I read and am passing this torch to:
Chindiana Trails
Carma Sez
Panda Mime
Sara Says Awesome
Something On Your Face
Good Twin/Bad Twin –already posted something like this but gave me a Kreativ Blogger award, so kudos to her.

I switched everything to 9 because I’m a wild man.


carma said...

I have also managed to navigate around this list for some time now; so perhaps it is time to bite the bullet (esp. now that you have reduced the list to 9 -- couldn't you have gone with 3???)

Your list is funny as crap (minus the girlfriend flattery- that was very sweet) and won't be outdone...

I also enjoy eating bland food daily; and then I am astonished when no other family members want to join in..

Some favorite expressions that you used in your list: "I also don't like people" "Spooning company" and "enhance my sexy by three" -- where do you come up with this stuff? Other than the don't like people part; I completely get that one.

Well, then; carry on...

Thanks for the award :-)

Ron said...

As I was reading over your list of 9 things, I had to smile because there are SEVERAL you mentioned which I can really relate to...

...the first one and the last one especially.

I would have been MUCH better European. I truly have the soul of Europe within me.

Thanks so much for passing this on, bud!

Really appreciate it.

Enjoy your weekend!

Chrissy said...

See? That wasn't so hard, was it? Your girlfriend is a lucky girl!

Megan said...

I like your list.

Collette said...

I don't like sending these awards out either. Some people don't care to get them.
Glad you shared with us though & I agree, 9 is a much better number.

C. Andres Alderete said...

Carma, I draw my one-liners from a bubbling well of discontent for humanity.

Ron, identifying with the European mindset is a show of moral integrity and intelligence. I think Americans are generally unprincipled morons.

Chrissy, thanks for the shout out. It wasn’t so bad :)

Megan and Collete, high-five.

f8hasit said...

Thank you Carlos for the award!
Chrissy peer pressured you into writing on your blog AND giving up 9 more traits about yourself that we didn't know.
Well done Chrissy!

Love the "they enhance my sexy by three"...
hysterical. You ARE a wild man.

KC said...

Thanks for the award...I will display it proudly.

Lora said...

you are hilarious.

I have tattoos on my wrists and the backs of my calves. And another one that no one can see. It's not on my butt or anything, just high enough on my thigh that I never sees the light of day because I'm 33 and I feel like once you hit that 30 point short shorts become gross.

Anyway, girls ask about them all the time because they like them but then they say that they could never get them (WTF? is that like, a judgement on my awesome tattoos? like you like to look at them but you'd never want to have them? ack. I feel the same about granite countertops)

Guys ask about them too, but I feel like they picture looking at them from a different angle. If you know what I'm getting at.

It's weird. But I love them

C. Andres Alderete said...

Nancy, I have to occassionally link to you and Chrissy or the gods be angry. That's why I did it;)

C. Andres Alderete said...

Lora, your intuition is flawless, as men are indeed bounding across the fields of their imagination when they see your tattoos.
As far as the girls who'll never get 'em, they will. When they're 60 and feeling old.

DreamChaser1998 said...

Yippee!!! Thank you sooo much! The movie reel called "my life" has run out and been flapping in the projector! *shrugs shoulders* Time to pop in the DVD! Cheers! Will post soon! :D

Sharon Reynolds said...


(I have read this, and will give you my own honest goodies soon.)

Isabella said...

Your writing is great!! I'm new to blogging and stumbled onto yours. Are you this funny all the time? You must be a riot at parties.
Thanks for sharing.

C. Andres Alderete said...

Why thank you Isabella. I am this funny all the time ;)

Blogger said...

I've just downloaded iStripper, so I can have the best virtual strippers on my taskbar.

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