Sunday, January 17, 2010


Do you ever want to choke people? I do. Sometimes I think I’d enjoy life better finger painting in a cave, my only possessions a club and bone flute. Naturally, I’d have to drag my girlfriend in there with me, but she’d adjust.

HEB (grocery store)
“Did you find everything okay?”
“Yes, thank you.”
“Would you like any of our basket items?”
“Everything’s just a dollar.”

Regal Arbor Theater
“Are you a Regal Card Club member?”
“That’ll be seven dollars.”
Regal Arbor Theater concessions counter
“I’ll have a 20oz bottle of water.”
“That’ll be four dollars and 25 cents.”
“Four dollars and 25 cents?!”
“Yeah, I think that’s our biggest rip off.”

Barnes and Noble
“Yes, I’ll have a large black coffee.”
“Would you like anything to eat with that, a cookie or a scone?”
“Are you a Barnes and Noble Card member?”
“Would you like to become one and save 10% on all your purchases?”
“Just give me the goddamned coffee or I’ll murder you.”

I didn’t actually say that last part, but my heart sang it.


Doremi said...

Would you like a hug?

Heather said...

Four dollars and 25 cents! That is friggin highway robbery!

I hate how they train their employees to hound people into making extra purchuses! Isn't it enough that we go to their establishments!

Sorry your having a bad day!

Dreamfarm Girl said...

I am sooo with you on this one. Why must every place offer "memberships." Why don't they say what they really mean? Let us swipe your card so we know every last detail of your consumer preferences. UGH!

Chrissy said...

I think it costs money to be a Barnes & Noble member, doesn't it? Like $25. But then you can save 10%. You should start seeing the savings by about your 10th cup of coffe.

f8hasit said...

Everywhere I go it seems I've signed up to be a rewards member. Good thing since I always leave all those damn cards in the car...
I've yet to figure out 'what' the reward is?

Can you find a duplex cave? I'll live next door.

C. Andres Alderete said...

Yes, Jacques. I would like a hug.

Thank you, Heather. I only get irritated by dumb bastards. I'll survive.

Thank you for your support, Dreamfarm Girl. If a barista actually told me that, I'd probably sign up for membership. On second though, probably not.

Funny thing is, Chrissy, I'd probably save a crap load by signing up for a B&N membership, but I won't on general anti-capitalist principles.

There's enough room in my cave for you and 17 other ladies, Nancy.

Isabella said...

I hate those stupid "basket items". Have you noticed they are always stuff that makes you fatfatfatfatafat. No thank you.

I also hate the kiosk people at the mall.
Kiosk person: Would you like to try XXXXX
Me: No.. (as I'm fast walking to do my errands)
KP: Could I just ask you one question?
Me: No.. fuck you! (In truth I would never say fuck.. I'm to nice. BUT I'M THINKIN' IT!!!

Related Posts with Thumbnails