Sunday, January 31, 2010

Watch Your Ass Online

Funny story. As many of you know, some of us more...narcissistic bloggers put trackers on our pages to get the skinny on who's visiting. Now before you panic over your obsessive refreshing of a pretty blogger's site, there aren't any names associated with the program. We basically see your city and what brought you. Basically. Creepy, I know, but once you know that they know that someone from your city is repeatedly viewing their busty self-portraits (see "Boob Envy" by I Shoulda Been a Stripper), a profound calm replaces any sleaze-bag anxieties.
A few weeks ago, I was routinely checking my stats when I noticed a surge in traffic from Facebook. Not so unusual. All my posts are routed to Facebook, and a lot of folks view the ol' blog from there. The only problem was that I hadn't published anything that day, and the post they were visiting was rather old. My initial reaction was dreaded alarm. Something I'd written must have finally come back to haunt me, and in a way, it did. I was already considering damage control. A little sleuthing uncovered anchor man Fred Cantú's Facebook profile as the source of my new visitors. Some of you might remember a picture I had shared of Cantú's floating head for one of my Austin Pictorials. It was a sticker on the rear window of someone's car I was idling behind. Uncle Fred had seen it, uploaded it to a Facebook album, and kindly linked to my blog. Thanks, hoss. I immediately befriended him, and found, much to my amusement, his quick return to my blog in what my most malicious fantasies determined as a "how the shit did he find me?" sort of perplexity. Now you know, Freddy.
The story's not over though.
Shortly after my and Fred's virtual spotlit dance, the driver of the vehicle with the Fred Head sticker left a comment on the Pictorial post. Normally, I'd simply be amazed with the smallness of this world or more concisely, Austin, but I distinctly remember weighing the ethical dilemma of posting a photo of a stranger's car with a stranger's license plate online for the world to see. And the world does indeed see it. You'd be surprised how many international visitors an insignificant blog receives. So anyway, the scales tipped, and I chose the Dark Side with an affirmative, "Fuck it. I don't know this guy." Who cares if some anonymous Fred Cantú aficionado gets axed to death by a crazed blog reader? Not me. He was a good sport about it, but his information never showed on my statistics, so like I am to Fred, "Sluggo" is to me, and I am perplexed by his whereabouts. Except for this morning. Apparently the man lives nearby, for once again, I was caught behind him at a stoplight, only this time, I uncomfortably squirmed at the notion that he might recognized me, pull me screeching from my car, and pound the potpourri-scented shit from my precious body. The light greened without incident, and Sluggo and his Fred Head left me reflecting on the moral of this story: watch your ass online.

If you want a Fred Head sticker, visit Fred's Facebook profile. Proceeds go to Haiti.

11 comments:

Dreamfarm Girl said...

Yikes. This is kind of freaking me out. You think you're basically anonymous, but not so much. I just heard an NPR story on how often bosses read their employees' personal blogs. Crap.

Dreamfarm Girl said...

PS how do I get that tracker?!

f8hasit said...

And this just confirms my suspicious passive hatred for all things Facebook.

C. Andres Alderete said...

I tried emailing you Dreamfarm Girl, but I had issues. Email me, and I'll reveal my secrets.

Nancy, I think you're misdirecting your anger, but now that I know you hate FB, I'll be exclusively contacting you that way ;)

carma said...

I hate those tracky things where your city is highlighted on the globe. I prefer to remain "from parts unknown" I remember the Cantu post vividly - it really is a small world, but it's not like you have any crazed blog readers *eye twitches*

Chrissy said...

Yes, it's all very big brother. Now I know who in Austin has been looking at my Boob Envy post every day since it was posted.

You know, you can just right click and save the picture, sweetie. The girls don't mind.

Bash said...

I can relate to the :"watch your ass online" thing.

C. Andres Alderete said...

I agree, Carma. I'd rather not now I was being tracked or at least not have it broadcasted.

Thanks, Chrissy, and tell the girls I appreciate their willingness to be ogled.

Chris, I'm always watching your ass online.

Heather said...

Wow, that is a little freaky. I did put a stats button on my page, but most of the time I forget it is there.

Thanks for the heads up. I hope that guy wasn't my brother. Now I'm going to have to ask, just to be sure.

Anonymous said...

You made me panic for 2 seconds! Eunyoung

Blogger said...

I have just downloaded iStripper, so I can watch the sexiest virtual strippers on my taskbar.

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