This here’s the Alamo. You may recognize it from such films as The Alamo. It was firmly established by the Spanish in 1724 in order to convert savages into boy-molesting holy men and also to assert control over the land in case any stinky Frenchmen wandered over from Louisiana. Fast forward 100 years and General Antonio Lopez de Santa Anna wipes his ass with the 1824 (Mexican) Constitution and replaces it with a centralist dictatorship. Texians, still a part of the Mexican government, say, “No way, Santa. We’ll just secede until there’s not such an asshole in power.” A couple of battles later, about 200 white guys are stuck in the now fortified Alamo with thousands of Mexican soldiers bottlenecking through every opening. The rebels are immortalized as martyrs of circumstance, and Billy Bob Thornton wins the theatrical role of former Tennessee congressman David Crockett in the latest historical exploitation. Note the Crockett Hotel sign. Classy.
Here’s the bullshit line in the sand that William B. Travis supposedly made with his sword to separate the men who want to be slaughtered by a vastly superior army from the cowards who want to go on living.
Whenever I visit places of historical significance, I enjoy pretending that I am a citizen of that era and that what my senses perceive are the same experiences a person would have in known in their time (In this case, I was a Texian landowner 175 years ago, rebelling against an oppressive government. (Just to be clear)). So when I stood on a bench and peered over the western battlement wall, I was dazzled with the thought that I might be staring at an IMAX theater where Davy Crockett watched 3D nature shows.
Here’s an overall model of the fortress. I’ve seen other dioramas showing its walls stopping short of the San Antonio River. I don’t know which to believe, and since I only went to San Antonio to pay a $190 speeding ticket from just before New Year’s, researching historical accuracy was at the bottom of my grumbling list. Regardless, the San Antonio River is now a main attraction for many S.A. tourists. It’s called the River Walk.
Notice that the water has been completely contained and routed for the whims of franchise owners who sell alcohol, cowboy hats, and gassy Tex-Mex to New Englanders? It complements the water's mostly rail-less edge. No rails is the way to go, I think.
If you're stupid enough to fall in the water, then you shouldn't be left unsupervised anyway. Besides, the thought of pot-bellied tourists tumbling into 5ft of polluted city water is especially pleasing for me. Back to Austin.
*Interesting factoid: Mediocre British musician Phil Collins is a major artifact contributor to the Alamo's museum exhibit. I find that funny for some reason.