Sunday, May 16, 2010

White Trash Cans and midgets at the Black Sheep Lodge

True story:

Wednesday night. Black Sheep Lodge. $1 “White Trash Cans,” also known as Lone Star and Pabst Blue Ribbon tallboys, Schlitz, Pearl and such.

Chris: “I haven’t seen any midgets around lately. Did they find a cure?”
Carlos: “I’m pretty sure it’s a genetic condition, not a disease.”
Chris: “Yeah, but I thought there was a procedure now to . . . stretch out their chromosomes.”

Joel: “I don’t think so, but a mother’s diet plays a role.”
Ryan: “Sure, they’re not supposed to eat certain things when they’re pregnant. Like shrimps. Or baby carrots.”

If you didn’t find this amusing, you’re either overly sensitive toward “diminutive” people or you’re a little person yourself, in which case I apologize profusely. I apologize anyway. I gush with apology. This posting is in poor taste and the illustration, an embarrassing emphasis of my depravity. But . . . I . . . can’t . . . stop. If you think about it, though, Chris, Ryan, and Joel are mostly to blame. I’m not abstract enough to associate short chromosomes and baby carrots with dwarfism, and had it not been Joel’s birthday, I wouldn’t even have been out “on the street,” as my girlfriend would say, in the middle of the week. I’m a victim. C’mon, Munchkinland? I love midgets for Christ’s sake.


Chrissy said...

Who doesn't love 'em? Have you seen the proliferation of "little people" reality shows? They're finally cashing in like the Native Americans did with casinos.

A local DJ thinks that a friend of his has a harelip because his mother bumped into the corner of a dresser when she was pregnant. Maybe he could go drinking with your buddies.

Bash said...

We really aren't that bright are we? Oh well... it did make for a good illustration/story didn't it?

C. Andres Alderete said...

I didn't know there were "little people" reality shows, Chrissy. I wouldn't have been so apologetic had I known we as a society were moving away from treating certain groups like humans. The harelip thing seems more offensive to me for some reason. I'm such a hypocrite.

No, Chris, we're not very bright, but yes, I had heaps of fun drawing that one out. Joel's already threatened to sue me.

Silly Swedish Skier Says So said...

So glad I cut up real carrots this morning. My friends would never let Rob live it down if we had a midget kid. (he's short, I'm tall. He's a mountain climber like that.)

Chindiana said...

Well Carlos, time to make your way to Asia dude to share your midget love over a pint of beer at the Hobbit House in Manila the Philippines - (it takes woefully long to load though)

What better way to get drunk than being served by happy little people? It's 4 hours flight from Malaysia so I'll pop over for a coupla of rounds with you.

C. Andres Alderete said...

SSSSS, an easy solution would be to just lock him/her in the attic when you're entertaining guests. I may have just saved your relationship.

Can I treat them like I'm aristocracy, Chindiana? Are the tables low? Midget servers are an untapped market here in the States.

Chindiana said...

Well I guess the treatment will depend on the graciouness of your tip Carlos. I have a trip planned next month to Manila so will do a recon mission to the Hobbit House. Maybe explore a franchise outlet in Austin? With you at the helm I see many possibilities both extraordinary and disturbing!

Heather said...

Lordy, what was in those those beers?

f8hasit said...

And here read on because I thought you had a cure for midgies...
I hate midgies.
Midgets? Well, I hate to be politically incorrect but...

Alex said...

I triple-dog-dare you to read Roald Dahl's The Twits, and play that same prank on him. Let Chris believe he's shrinking and becoming a midget. :D

Latent midget genes; it could happen.

C. Andres Alderete said...

I'd probably get into trouble with the powerful midget lobby here, Chindiana.

Magic was in those beers, Heather. Magic.

I like "midgies" best, Nancy. The term "midget" is dead to me.

Hmmm, I don't get the reference, Alex, but now that you've made me feel intellectually inferior, I'm on it. Also, I think there's a blood test for recessive midgie genes.

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